When your divorce process is finally over, it can feel like a giant weight has been lifted. You have finally escaped your unhappy marriage and can put all the stress and sadness that it caused behind you. It’s freeing! But when you look forward to the future, you may feel a bit overwhelmed by all of your options and by the fact that you’re facing the unknown independently. If you have found yourself in this situation, the Bobby Barina Law team has some tips for you to help you thrive in your post-divorce life.
- Be daring! Try something new.
Sometimes unhappy marriages hold us back from trying new things that we’re interested in. For example, maybe you’ve been itching to take a retreat to India to study meditation, but your husband thought it was a silly idea. Or maybe you’ve been thinking about joining a recreational sports team but your wife wanted you to spend more time at home. Now is the time to follow your heart and pursue new interests. This can mean travelling, picking up a new hobby, taking a class, or anything else that grabs your attention. Trying something new is helpful in discovering who you really are and building your new identity as an unmarried person
- Take time for YOU.
You may be tempted to dismiss all the talk you hear about the importance of self-care in trying times, but don’t — it really is essential. Unhappy marriages require us to spend a lot of time caring about other people’s emotions and wellbeing. It can be easy to forget to take care of ourselves. Challenge yourself to do something purely for yourself at least once a day. This will mean different things for different people. Maybe it means spending an hour or two on a park bench with a favorite book. Maybe it means soaking in a warm tub. Maybe it means practicing yoga. Or maybe it means playing a video game for a while.
- Don’t be afraid to lean on your support system.
Sometimes you will feel emotional about your divorce even after time has passed and you feel like you’re supposed to be “over it.” Don’t let fear or pride stop you from turning to your support system in these moments. Friends and family members who love you aren’t kidding when they say they want to provide support in any way they can. They will lend an ear to your worries and help you out, whether it’s by distracting you from your sadness with snacks and a movie, giving you a pep talk, or just letting you vent over coffee. Our connections with loved ones sustain us through trying times, so know that they want to support you just as much as you would want to support them if the tables were turned.
- Give therapy a try.
If you’re not in therapy already, we highly recommend it! If you already have a relationship with a therapist, schedule an appointment. If not, it’s time to find one who you connect with. Therapists can help you understand your feelings and learn healthy coping mechanisms. They can also help you make a plan for your future that gets you excited about each new day.
- Don’t worry about timelines.
As time passes, you will be confronted with many arbitrary timelines. “It’s been a year already? Well then why aren’t you dating?” “You’re dating already? It hasn’t been long enough for that yet!” We’ve even heard of mathematical formulas that are supposed to predict how long it will take to get over a relationship based on how long you were together. The truth is, everyone’s process is different and everyone’s process is valid and okay. Listening to arbitrary timelines causes nothing but self doubt. We promise there’s no “right” amount of time to take when it comes to moving on from a divorce.
If you are dealing with a divorce or another family law matter the Bobby Barina Law team is here to help. We welcome your questions. Don’t hesitate to reach out today.